Can we become sunshine?

I just found out that I love something. I've flirted with it before but have had little success. And to put it plainly our relationship has been a troubled one. But tonight I know!

I was standing out on a balcony looking over this huge city, and I had a few minutes to myself, just to think. No school, no music, and no friends. And that's when it happened. That's when I found out that I was in love with independence, freedom and being alone. What all those combined are I don't know but it's this feeling. I had the choice of staying on the balcony if I so wished, I could leave it, or could have even jumped off! It was all up to me and now I'm in love with doing what I want to do. To walk down a street by myself, to turn down a certain street instead of another simply because I want to. To suddenly stop and listen to the sound of the city or to break into a run and make people wonder why. Maybe this makes me a control freak? (orpossiblejustafreak)

Back to the balcony real fast. Anybody can decide where they want to go when they're on a balcony right? Of course! But, think about it, do they realize that?

And now my life is about to open up into a world of freedom. I can't wait! It's a little late and my thoughts might not be flowing, but this thought was important to me and I wanted to write it down. (however poorly written) It' gotta all fit together somehow...

Anyway, I'm pulling late-Ben-hours right now, so I need to go to bed.
Listen, this is freedom in music.

ben In the Future

It's starting to sink in. A lot. Or at least a lot more than it has before. I'm looking around me and continually realizing that I'm not going to see all of this (what I've known since I was two) for many, many years. Oh boy...I can't believe this! (That wasn't an excited exclamation point, that was a frustrated/surprised/manyotheremotions one)

I can't believe this. I don't see myself as a very emotional person. I can seem to steel myself to something I don't like, or make fun of it in my mind. But this one is sending me through the ringer. I'm not entirely sure how to react; I was almost angry all day! I know! Not me? But I was. Here, check this out.

Hi Ben two and half months from now,

How's college? How was your summer? Everything you expected? Well, I'm sitting here in your old room, looking around at the clothes cluttering you old bed. I actually just got back from taking cap and gown pictures at the Deportiva. Remember the Deportiva? Your not gonna see it for a long time, but I was there today. Well, I hope your enjoying yourself. See you today!

Look at that! My whole life is about to change, but am I ready? I have to go work this summer. I have to pay rent, cook food and "live on my own." Then! I move again! To NYC...In comes some excitement but also even more foreboding. Can I do that?

This is my mood-

Camping Times

I'm terribly tired, but tonight I think I have the right to be--I just got back from my last high school camping trip. I won't describe all that I did, but it's just interesting to see my life change.

I was sitting with my good buddy Isaac the first night out among the trees and stars discussing other camping trips and the differences between them and the present one--the different friends and people and the all the things we had done. Every memory brought a different feeling up to me; I could almost feel that I was back at the campsites of the years past. I could almost understand the me of back then. But then the images would pass for others and a different memories. And so it is, you can't ever go back, ha. (unless you have a time machine and I happen to know someone who knows someone) 

I guess this will happen all throughout my life. Oh! On a sillier note...

I found out that three girls like me! =) Not that that does much for me, but its always nice to know you're are appreciated. Two weeks till I graduate starting tomorrow; it feels like it should be tomorrow. 

Here's a song in the meantime-

Beginning is here.

I'm here. You're there. Hi!

So, after being persuaded to start a blog, I have started...

There should be something to set the board, shouldn't there? Some preliminary information of some sort, so that if you have the misfortune of reading this, you'll understand me.

I am Ben. I am a Christian. I am learning who I am. Heavy thoughts and observations come to me now and then and again, but for the most part, I'm just like you...unless you're a Genius. 

This is a bit different for me, you may catch me trying to be profound, being profound without knowing it or just being boring. Whatever the case, thanks for reading.

Presently, I'm in El Paso, waiting to leave for my home, but really, I am just waiting to leave for anywhere other than there. Even though that journey hasn't started yet, this one, the one you and I share here, on this almost entirely impersonal screen has begun.

Let's see where it will end.